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To Work, to Work

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Categories: The Journey

I really must get to that.  I have been such a procrastinator.  Not a slacker, as I’ve been doing things.  But procrastinating I’m so doing, and I’m doing it because I’m absolutely terrified I’m not smart enough to do this.  I know I surely must be.  Sleep now, read tomorrow, though.

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Must Haves

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1.) To be done with work.

I sat in my office today (I share it with two others) and thought I might just die of boredom.  I have work to do, but I really don’t want to do it.  I’m only there because I said I would be, and since I said I would be then there’s only myself to blame.  Also, if I said I was going to be there, probably they expect my brain to be focused on actually working.  I do owe them that.  The people at my firm have been wonderful to me.  They are kind and generous (I do so like that song), and they still need my assistance.  I’m working from home tomorrow on a few things that need to get out, but it should be a great day to start (and wrap-up) my work for one of my Tuesday classes.

2.) To get on with the school work.

All of my classes require work on an online system called Blackboard; I actually quite like the Blackboard and the way it’s utilized for assignments.  Another thing I’m totally digging about Hunter.  Already there are so many things!  In order to do those assignments, though, I have to do about 1,000,000,000,000,000 pages of reading.  I’m going to write “fun” dubiously.  I’m excited about the reading but also terrified I won’t be able to complete it.  I definitely won’t be able to complete it if I don’t get on with it tomorrow!  Horses, I summon thee.  (One day on here I’ll explain the “horses” thing.)

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Classes – Day Two

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Categories: The Journey

So so so so so excited!  Though I didn’t feel a strong connection to the professor, I definitely think it’ll be a good class and hopefully we’ll form a connection as the semester moves forward.  We did an interesting exercise called “Here I Stand,” in which we moved about the room situating ourselves with our peers with whom we agreed on an issue (agree, ambivalently agree, uncertain, ambivalently disagree, disagree), and we discussed why we were standing where we were.  I liked it.  The thing I’m finding really fabulous about grad school is the passion.  Discussions are already feeling awesome, and I’ve now been to only the first class for each course.

My Social Welfare Policy course is going to be amazeballz!  The professor is the person who conducted my admittance interview, so she’s surely hugely responsible for me being at Hunter.  She gave me a hug today, which kinda says it all for how the day went.

Awesome!

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Sweetness

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Categories: The Journey

This has been such a long weekend.  Good, productive, exhausting.  Today we took some stuff to storage, got some stuff out of storage, went to Fairway (which was a hot mess of a place), cleaned some more (we’ve cleaned this place from corner to corner, top to bottom), cooked dinner, went to the community garden and picked figs, made preserves with said figs, and cleaned up the big mess that business created.  There was sugary fig syrup all over the kitchen.  You could have packaged our kitchen and sold it in a sweets shop.

I. am. so. tired.

But, I am truly grateful to have a life where buying a vacuum cleaner and picking figs can be happy highlights of a weekend.  Life can be simple and quiet, beautiful and calm.  One of the attorneys for whom I work told me he believes the difference in a good life and a happy life is that a happy life has no worries.  That sounds like an awfully lovely ambition, this happiness.

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Lists

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Categories: The Journey

I started posting the Step One playlist on Facebook today; I think I’ve configured Nest of Ninnies in a way that folks won’t find my journal or step work, etc., but if they do, so be it.  Likely, to be honest, I don’t imagine many folks will actually listen to the songs to which I link, which means they won’t see that they’re on the site, so it doesn’t much matter.  I know I’m linking the site to FB in a self-seeking way and hiding the journal/steps/pondering/articles links to satisfy my probably correct feeling that I shouldn’t be directing people to the site at all.  Silly brain.

On the smoking front, I’m still sneaking them, and this makes me sad & angry & nervous.  Smoking is an addiction that is, to me, harder to quit than drinking.  Of course, if I went to rehab for smoking for a couple of weeks, I’d likely come out able to keep away from it.  But good lord, rehab without smoking would have simply hurt my feelings.

I talked today with a friend of mine about how I only want to invite 14 friends to my one-year/birthday party & how this makes me on one hand feel unpopular and on the other picky.  But these people I want to invite have, each differently, contributed to my sobriety in a significant way.  They have supported me, and loved me, and made sure I have a line to them should I need to use it.  In that light, 14 seems like a number of which I should be proud.  So I shall be.  Actually, there is a 15th I wish I could invite.  But that relationship was abruptly relegated to the past and with it a bit of my patience and hopefulness.  Anyhoo, for those 14 I am tremendously grateful.

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Post-movie Morass

Categories: The Journey

We went to Apple today and I sat with a “genius” and figured out the answers to my questions regarding the new laptop, my iPad, and information about getting an iPhone 5.  I love Apple.

Before hitting up the Genius Bar, we saw Percy Jackson, which took me out of myself in a good way.  I realized today the reason I always get a weird knot in my tummy when a movie nears its end.  A good, or at least entertaining, movie takes me out of my thoughts for a little while, and as it wraps up, my mind starts revving back up to the realities of my life, and it’s sorta like it’s trying to play catch-up; the thoughts just make me anxious.  It’s not a terrible anxiety, but anyhoo, yeah, so I’m always anxious after going to the movies.

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First Day Success!

Categories: The Journey

I was too tired yesterday to write about my first day of class, and it’s probably best to have processed it in my sleep.  It was amazing.  I’m more excited than I already was, which I didn’t think possible, and I’m feeling as though it will be less overwhelming that I was thinking, though I still believe it will be overwhelming.  That’s how grad school is supposed to be I’m told.

My first day of classes were Prof Danto’s Human Behavior in the Social Environment and Practice Lab – my small group is with Prof Giunta, who at this early point I think it pretty fantastic.  Much discussion was had regarding the parameters of the classes:  what we’ll cover, how we’ll create the safest environment for honest & open discussion, what our assignments will be, etc.  It’s going to be such a huge learning experience, and I know I’ll become a person with a deeper understanding of points of view other than my own.

Tonight we went to a place called Five Spot for dinner, and I was the only white guy in the place.  It was such an interesting flip for me, as nearly all the restaurants I’ve been have a predominantly white patronage.  Usually, of course, there are a few non-white folks, and tonight had me wondering if, generally, these folks feel like outsiders in the way I did tonight.

Phillip & I had a discussion about our conversations/lack of conversations lately.  We’re not in a bad place by any means, but I’ve been so in my head lately, so philosophical, that my conversations have been a little too deep for casual dinner talk, etc.  Someone around me long enough figures out I’m not as charming as at first I seem.

In short, I’m soooooooo excited about the trajectory of my life & mind.  But I’m mentally exhausted already.

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The New Computer & The First Assignment

Categories: The Journey

I am so excited.  SO excited.  The MacBook Air arrived today, so I’ve been spending the evening getting my profile moved over from the other Mac and sorting out how I want this one to look, be organized, etc.  Fun stuff for me.

The other exciting thing about today is that I completed my first assignment:  I watched an online presentation, and now I have a couple of questions to consider before class tomorrow.  Certainly an easy assignment, but it being the very first one of my graduate school experience, it is significant.

Tonight I am sad for that which is lost but needn’t have been.  Specifically, a very good friend in recovery has peaced out on her past; we were very close to my mind, but her path took her too far away from mine.  I’m actually really sad now!  Probz I’m just sleepy.  So with that….

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Orientation & Stuff

Categories: The Journey

Today was pretty awesome, though I was crazy-super nervous because (Guess What!) I was supposed to have attended a workshop yesterday that is a required part of orientation.  So much more than Oops, I was thinking, but it’s not an awful sitch; I just have to do the workshop in January.  The world isn’t falling down around me, as I suspected it would.

I am so excited about school.  The research resources they make available to us are remarkable, and I think I’m going to do really well here.  The work will very likely be overwhelming, so I’m going to have to learn to just go with it and be happy doing the best that I can do.  Even though our best isn’t the same from day to day, so there’s that.

I’m contacted a couple of student groups I’d like to join, and one is having a luncheon soon.  So I’ll meet some folks through that – it’s called SAAS and is a group for the Aging field of practice folks.

I’m a bit confused about my Field of Practice choice.  Will it be aging, under which addiction can fall, or will it be Health & Mental Health, under which addiction mostly certainly falls.  Technically, since I’ll be interning at the Burden Center for the Aging, I’d be able to jigger my classes and wind up with two certificates, but I don’t figure that’s possible.  I’ll certainly ask.

It was a beautiful day & I have a beautiful family & I am grateful.

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Final Days

Categories: The Journey

Being at work has lately been such an odd thing.  With everything winding down, I find no use for urgency, though I know some of my attorneys deem their bills urgent, needed right now, the world will fall apart without them.  I think the world will be affected none at all, guys – hold your horses.

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